Imagine a love so strong that saying hello and goodbye at the same time was worth the sorrow.

February 29, 2012

One Step Closer

Thank you for visiting my dreams last night!! 
I don't know where we were but you were in a little robe and you walked up to me and I kneeled down and pulled you into my arms. You said, "Can you come with me, please." I was holding you and crying. I said, "No, baby, I can't right now." A voice inside my head was screaming, "I'm supposed to be with you and be your Mom!". I held you for so long and cried. I wasn't going to let you go, but I woke up. 
My heart is in my throat as I try to hold back tears while I write this. I want to be with you so badly and I hope that you don't feel that I don't want to be. I will be with you when my time comes though sweetheart and it will feel like we were never apart. I love you so much and I would give anything to have you back here with us. 
I want to be able to watch you grow up, watch your sister be so protective over you and watch you and her fight little fights when you get bigger and a mind of your own =) I want to watch you plays games with your Daddy. I want to know what music you would listen to. I want to hang onto you and never let you go. But, I do want you to grow up and go to school and find a job that you love and find your love and ask her to marry you. I want to see how eager you are as you wait for your lovely bride to walk down that aisle towards you. I want to see your beautiful life come together. I want to anticipate the arrival of your babies and smile with love at the thought of being a grandma. I want so much. I want our family back to how it should be. I want you here with us. I know that you can't be and that's the hardest part. 
I miss you so much, my love. Please come see me today.
In my dream- you brought a book up to me to read to you. =) 
Kolton, I am always with you as you are always with me. ♥

February 28, 2012

Time has brought your heart to me. I have loved you for a thousand years. I will love you for a thousand more x infinity.

I miss you so much. I wish that you were here with us. I feel so broken without you. I try so hard to not let my grief of your loss overshadow the beauty of your life. Some days it is really just so overwhelming and all consuming. It is something that I am working so hard on.
I know that you are always with me and I cherish all the little signs that you send to us. I love when you visit my dreams and when you come play with your toys. It really brings me so much comfort.
A few days ago, I had a dream that I let a balloon go to you. =) It was red and heart shaped. <3
One night (recently), I had a dream that you were a little tiger cub with the most beautiful eyes and you ran up to me and love just poured and emanated from you. Later on in the dream, I couldn't see you and was looking around for you. You came up to me and growled at everyone around me, as if you were protecting me from danger. I know this dream means that I may not always see you but you are always there, especially when I need you.
I will have to make another blog entry of all the dreams that I have of you and all of the signs that you send to us. I hope that I have written them all down!! Your mommy is so forgetful.
I love you so much, my sweet baby boy. Come visit me. Love always and forever, Mommy